The Difference Between Study and Practice

The definition of study according to Google is “the devotion of time and attention to acquiring knowledge on an academic subject, especially by means of books.” Of late, I’ve come to realize that my “practice” up until now hasn’t been much of practice at all.

I’ve heard so many stories of Pagans getting caught up in the study and reading of their path, and soon enough finding that the entirety of their practice is studying and reading. I was always so confused by this, as I’ve viewed so many videos where witches show off their expansive spiritual libraries and talk about the many books they have read. What was so wrong with all the study?

I have never thought of too much study/reading as a toxic situation. From learning how to read, books and sources of information, stories, muse ect. have always been an escape. You always take something from the things you read. The magic of reading the last page of a book and having the story be over was something I savored and enjoyed immensely.

Paganism was something I found through reading and searching for information. I remember clearly sitting in the public library reading a rare “Wicca for Teens!” book and being dazzled by what I was finding. It was the turning point, where I actually sat and realized what my path was. I went on an adventure, finding and buying any Pagan literature easily available. I read, took notes, and started a pretty impressive beginner library.

It wasn’t until now that I’ve really sat back and thought about what I was/have been doing since those many years ago. I can’t remember writing that many rituals, or even partaking in spontaneous ritual. I lit some candles, burn some herbs, laid out some crystals; but I had never really completed ritual that wasn’t with my old group where the rituals were already written and theoretically all I really had to do was show up and read some papers out loud.

It wasn’t that I was lazy, or didn’t enjoy the idea of ritual. I think it was definitely more of “Wow. These authors paint this incredible picture of ceremony, with lush imagery of Magic and Celebration. It sounds amazing on paper, but can I have these same experiences? What if mine doesn’t turn out like this?” Instead, (on an unconscious level) it was so much easier to live vicariously through the stores I found in books, on websites, and through the people around me. It was much more comfortable to sit behind the pages of a book and relish in the stories that Witchy So and So wrote about.

Now, I see how reading became a toxic cycle of self-doubt and jealousy. I’m left now with a ton of books under my belt and a lack of practice. My beliefs became a study rather than a practice. It’s here that I wish to move on from that. As any bad habit, breaking it takes a lot of work and introspection. I’m going through huge transitional periods of my life, but spiritually I don’t think I can progress without moving away from this.

My new mantra is “You are good enough. You can do this.” I aim to form a closer relationship with my deities and my craft. Although I will always enjoy searching the New Age section of Barnes and Noble and cuddling up with a good Pagan book and a chai latte, I vow to myself to start taking action and doing.

Advertisements
Categories: My Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Update 9/14/2014

Hello Everyone!

It’s been exactly a month since my last post, and although not as frequent as I would like, I’ve been posting much more than I used too. It’s a start, and I’m happy with it.

Things are really good lately. I FINALLY got my drivers license, and with already having a car, I feel much more free than I did before. It was a huge goal that I had this summer, and I’m so ecstatic that it manifested. My senior year of high school has also started, and so far it’s the best school has ever been. My schedule is fun, interesting, and I’m actually getting a lot out of it already. My only hard class isn’t even at my high school, its at a local community college that I’m dual enrolling at! It’s stressful, but manageable and who doesn’t love free college credits?

Things are definitely happening in the mundane aspect of my life! Aside from not being able to find a job, energy is flowing so rapidly lately and I love it.

Spiritually, things are also going pretty good. I’m finally making a ton of deity connection all at once, and deciding what things to leave and get rid of in my life as the harvest has arrived. I have a lot of self-improvement to be done, but I’m feeling much more spiritually confident lately!

I’m ever grateful for how good my life is going, and am excited to see how the rest of the school year plays out. This time next year I hope to be living in Grand Rapids, Michigan in a nice little apartment independently enjoying life. The way things are going lately, I especially see it happening. I hope for the best, and as my Spiritual and Mundane life keep intertwining and combining, I hope to see the continuation of good things!

Many Blessings to You!

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Witchy Blog Award :D

I’m delighted to announce I have been nominated for “The Witchy Blog Award” by my dearest friend Rachel! I’m so stoked as its super fun for me to view the responses of everyone who gets to do it!

The Rules:

Dedicate at least part of a post to receiving the award and share the award logo
Thank the blogger who passed the award to you
Answer the seven questions below
Nominate five Wiccan/Pagan bloggers (If you don’t know five other Wiccan bloggers, nominate as many as you can)
Notify your nominees of their pending award
Stop by Ayslyn’s Corner to add your name to the list of bloggers awarded (tab above)
Seven Questions: (You may customize as long as they are still Wiccan and Pagan related)

How did you “discover” Wicca/witchcraft/Neo-Paganism?
Do you grow herbs?
Are you “in the broom closet”? If not, share your coming out experience
What tradition do you follow, if any?
Do you consider yourself a witch, Wiccan or Pagan (or maybe something else?)
How much of witchcraft/Wicca are you able to incorporate into your everyday life?
Do you have a familiar? If you do, tell us how you meet him/her and how s/he takes part in your practice (if at all)
And now to answer the questions from above!

1. How did you “discover” Wicca/Witchcraft/Neo-Paganism? In the seventh grade I remember coming across it online and thinking it was really intriguing. I bought a couple of books and started studying but my path didnt truly kick off until I met my best friend Brenna (Rachel). She was older and had concrete experience and helped me figure out exactly what I believed, and introduced me to more people who shared the same basic belief.

2. Do you grow herbs? I do. Over the years I’ve slowly grown a plant or two and now I am finally at the point of having a small garden of about nine herbs that are solely grown for Magickal use.

3. Are you “in the broom closet”? If not, share your coming out experience No, I am not in the broom closet. My coming out experience was very odd. At first, I never even mentioned it, I just started doing. Of course, my parents were worried about what I was doing but didn’t really say anything about it until I erected an altar. They were disappointed, as their religon taught them that what I was doing was wrong. They even made me speak to a pastor about my religious choices. After awhile, they just ended up getting used to it and slowly became more supportive. I’m happy with how everything played out.

4. What tradition do you follow, if any? I currently don’t have any affiliation with a tradition or group. My spirituality has become a more solitary path of Celtic Polytheistic Witchcraft. Although I do a majority of my workings alone, I do sometimes gather with friends for the sabbats or occasional magickal working when it will be a benefit to us all.

5. Do you consider yourself a witch, Wiccan or Pagan (or maybe something else?) It’s hard for me to adopt labels as I tend to change how I perceive my beliefs quite often, but currently I would consider myself a Pagan Witch. My path started with Wicca, but I dropped the term as my path grew into something more wider and complex.

6. How much of witchcraft/Wicca are you able to incorporate into your everyday life? Most of everything I do somehow ties back into my spirituality. It is the most important aspect of my life, so even when I don’t mean to, my craft reflects in a lot of my actions. I also don’t believe that it’s hard to “incorporate” it into my life when I see the simplest of actions as sacred and meaningful. From a rain storm to holding a door open for someone, you can find spirituality in almost everything and I think that’s kind of what Paganism is all about.

7. Do you have a familiar? If you do, tell us how you meet him/her and how s/he takes part in your practice (if at all) I do not have a familiar, my golden retriever is way too insane to ever participate in my rites, but that doesn’t stop me from loving her!

Categories: My Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Update: 6/16/2014

sunsetHello my dear readers.

Although I haven’t exactly accomplished too much since my last posts, I felt as it was my duty to update my blog like I promised myself I would. I feel like blogging can be an extremely reflective, meditative experience and I often find myself coming to conclusions or realizations whilst typing away.

Although I’ve had a sorta stagnant start to my summer vacation, there have been a few spiritual and/or positive events that have surfaced. First came with getting out of school. This year was so stressful, and I’m very proud of myself for remaining afloat and receiving good scores. I’m excited for next year, but I refuse to rush this summer as I need time to relax and refocus. School tends to suck a lot of spiritual mojo from my life, so three months of good vibes is much needed.

Second, I’m feeling my connection with the Celtic healing Goddess Brighid surface again. On and off I’ve felt her presence, but after a pretty spectacular meditative healing experience I definitely feel Her near. Ever since starting my path I’ve longed for a name, an image, any sort of direct personification of the Goddess to be my patron and finally seeing results made the journey worthwhile. I hope to work with Her more over the summer and find out for sure what role She plays in my life.

Third, I’ve received some really good news! Rachel is coming home for the summer! For a long time, I’ve felt surrounded by a few immature friends and its becoming quite tiring. I’ve missed Rachel dearly, because shes always been somebody I know I can rely on and for sure shes my closest friend. I can’t wait for the regular sharing of stories to occur.

In hope for a positive, enlightening rest of my vacation, I’ve formulated some goals that I hope to accomplish by the end.

One goal that comes before all else is to find out exactly what it is that I need from my path. I hope to find a restart and release all of the information or old practices that don’t serve me anymore. I need to find what rings true to me, and stop living so vicariously through others. A few other goals I have are getting my drivers license, going on a few adventures, and just kind of becoming free.

As always,

Many Blessings to You and to Yours.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Finding My Restart

Image

 

 

In my last post, I addressed the fact that I probably wouldn’t be posting much until after this school year was over, but due to quite a bit of reflection over the past few days I’ve felt the need to concise my thoughts within a blog post.

As I previously noted, this year has been an almost absolute spiritual drought. When you begin to lose yourself, its hard to venerate with a spirituality that’s heavily based on finding yourself. The belief has and always will be there, but the actual practice has been almost nonexistant and when not its been dry. I spent a good portion of discovering what I believe in with the near constant reassurance of a group of pagan friends. Since our group disbanded its been hard to work through a lot of my spiritual turmoil. Its not a good excuse at all, but, having the support of spiritual people makes working through problems a lot easier.

In almost every attempt at “picking back up where I left off” I’ve failed miserably. A few years ago I was at what I would consider the high peak of my practice. I was so sure of myself and my craft. It was lovely. Feeling like you have a pretty solid direction was always the best feeling, but for a while I haven’t really felt that. Over the past week I’ve come to terms with a lot. Basically, I realized that trying to continue from where I left off a while ago wasn’t the best option. I never had an extremely stable solitary practice, so trying to build up on a weak foundation would be meaningless.

In conclusion, I’ve decided to essentially “restart” my path. I need to go back, visit the roots of where I started to learn, and work through the rocky parts in order to define what it is I really practice. I’m determined to work through all of the issues I had/have even if it takes immense hardwork and reflection. I cannot live without my practice. The Craft has helped me through so much, and has ultimately brought me to a stronger connection with what it is that I believe. The connection itself has not faded all the way yet, but if I continued to live the way I was who knows what would have happened. I’m happy I’ve come to terms with a bit of it, or at least have developed plans on how too.

I’m ready to utilize my summer vacation away from school and negative people to revamp my path and rediscover myself and my spirituality. Just like so many others, I need this.

I plan to update you all on what I do, and will continue to use this to better organize my thoughts on everything that will be occurring in the upcoming months. I hope to consistently bring good news, and be completely honest when it isn’t so good.

As always,

Merry Meet, Merry Part,

and Merry Meet Again!

Categories: My Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Update 5/16/2014

Blessings!

I haven’t made my presence here known in quite awhile, but that’s fairly usual of me. 

If you’ve followed my blog for a while you know that I fall into the habit of not updating as much as I probably should. I find myself seeking comfort in social media where I can quickly type out short messages such as Twitter. I can’t make up any excuses. Its laziness but alas, I am here. 

Wow. This school year has been quite a mix up. As usual, the constant pressure of school and trying to maintain a social life has put a damper on my spiritual side. I find that during academic years, especially in the cold months of winter where I find it harder to venerate with Earth’s energy, I sort of lose myself spiritually. Not completely of course, the craft will always play an immense role of my life, but the lost track of high days and times where I utilize magick to live for myself get unintentionally put on a back burner.

Academically, this has been the hardest school year of my life. My classes have been ridiculously hard to keep up with, and with the integration of multiple state tests per year and the taking of the ACT college ranking test, its been a struggle. Thankfully, school gets let out fairly soon and I’ll have time to finally sort out whats been slowly pulling me away from my spiritual self for a while.

Summer is always a spiritual time for me, and with a bit of planning and luck, this summer should be the best one yet. I hope to visit Brenna now that I have a car, and hopefully see all of my spiritual friends as they always inspire me a bit more than people from school. This season will also be a time of figuring myself out. Next year is my last year of high school and after that I officially start my life as an adult and college student. In time, I have plans of cutting off quite a few negative influences before next school year and surrounding myself with old friends (Brenna, Morgan, Taylor, Shelby, ect.) and hopefully gaining a new crowd of positive people at school if possible.

I can’t promise much posting for a few more weeks. Exams will be here soon and all my attention will be focused on that. But once summer starts, I have plans of updating my blog as much as possible.

Until then,

Merry Meet, Merry Part,

And Merry Meet Again!

Image 

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Update: 2/18/2014

Hello my dear followers. What an extended period of absence. I hope everyone is doing well.

I thought that I’d stop by and let you all know what’s been going on in my life currently. Instead of doing what I usually do in update posts, such as provide excuses as to why I haven’t been on in forever, I’ll just get straight into it.

So where did we leave off? Oh yeah, last thing I blogged about dealt with the old circle I was in and camping. 

So basically, after coming to the realization that our circle just wasn’t working, we decided to disband and remain friends. It was probably the most rewarding and mature decision we ever made as an entirety. We chose to still go camping with each other and work on personal spiritual goals. 

When we began planning for camping, we had high hopes of going to a campground about two hours away from where we all lived. We came to find out that we just wouldn’t be able to make it work that far away, so we made reservations at our local state park. Because our other friends had jobs and commitments, Rachel and I were the only two who stayed for the whole time. We completed some personal rituals and readings, but a lot of what we planned on doing got cut with the extreme bug problem the park was facing. Like, we can handle bugs, but what was going on with mosquitoes and mayflies was out of control. I’ve never seen so many bugs.

While we were there, I made a few herbal satchets, completed a Druidic based rite based around summer goals with Brenna, and completed a Patron ritual where I focused on Brighid. While I was there I realized that animals were delivering a lot of messages.

While I was walking on the beach, I noticed a deer. Usually when deer notice humans they dash off into the forest. Surprisingly enough, this deer let me get within about three feet of it. It was crazy, just examining the animal and feeling the Herne energy it radiated. It was amazing.

The second animal experience I had occurred when I was walking through the woods. I heard some squirming and saw a huge raccoon scurrying. It was extremely close to me as well. I felt more attuned to nature just from being exposed to it for about a week.

After camping, not much more was celebrated throughout the course of summer. I went to a large music festival, completed a Lughnasadh and Midsummer rite, and went on a two week camping trip. I focused on becoming closer with nature and deity as a whole.

School quickly started and I found myself facing Junior year. Within a short time, I realized just how stressful it would become. Craziness. So much work and preparation all the time.

The next big high point came around Yule. Amongst Christmas shopping I felt extremely compelled to buy this Ganesha amulet at a craft store. This was weird for me, considering I followed a mainly Celtic path and Ganesha is from the Hindu pantheon. But, I followed my intuition and bought the amulet.

Yule came and I did a very insightful tarot reading and focused on pure, positive energy. Upon doing some meditation where I focused on a Ganesha mantra, I got the feeling that I should bless my amulet. I cleansed and empowered it, and asked of Ganesha’s blessings.

Things got weirder when I did a reading and the Lynx from the wildwood deck appeared. After researching, I found that the Lynx is pretty prominent in India where Ganesha mythology first took hold. Also, the card was associated with a keeper of secrets and mysteries. Around this time, my cards also indicated that a sudden negativity was gonna enter my life.

As time rolled on, I came to find that the negativity had arrived. Problems with friends and family almost erupted so suddenly and for a period of time I felt very alone. I focused on Ganesha’s energy and tried to relate to the messages I was receiving.

Eventually the problems started to quickly decline as I cut a bunch of negative situations out of my life. Along with the problems, I also felt my connection with Ganesha start to fade. I didn’t question it until recently, since I know that things become revealed in due time.

I found out that Ganesha, The Remover of Obstacles, has long been associated with a Deity who appears when you need him the most. During times of extreme obstacles and chaos, he makes an appearance and helps give you the push you need. When times were hard, He popped in and gave me the kick I needed and my problems started to diminish. Although currently I’m not actively pursing an extreme connection with Him, I do still feel that I haven’t seen the last. I know that the next time I am faced with some chaos I have a deity who I can call on for help. 🙂

So where does that leave me? Well, a bit stressed. I have a major test coming up that basically determines where and when I’ll be able to attend a university. A majority of my fate lies with this test so you can say I’m a bit worried. Along with that, this winter has been absolutely horrid. We’ve gotten the most snow I’ve ever seen, and have had about 15 days off of school that we’ll have to make up. I miss the grass and the leaved trees and the flowers and the Earth. Nature is where I turn to when I need that boost, and it’s hard to connect with through about a foot of ice and snow. 😉

Hopefully spring will bring the refreshing energy I need to stay focused and attuned. The rest of the year will fall into place and I’ll have plenty of opportunities this summer to stay spiritually connected to the things that I love.

Until next time,

Merry Meet, Merry Part,

And Merry Meet Again!

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Removing Yourself from a Negative Situation

If you have ever had to leave something that you enjoy doing SO much, but you know it was for the best, you know how I’m currently feeling. It sucks.

As many of you probably know, my Pagan friends and I created The Circle of Towering Trees many years ago. I was about thirteen then. I am sixteen now. We were young, basic in our Craft, and felt compelled to start a group in veneration with the Gods and Earth. We were pretty smart for our age, and learned so much together. It was early in our summer vacation, and we had the WHOLE summer to work on things and plan for the Sabbats.

We came together as a group, and our future seemed bright.

And for a while, that’s exactly what it was.

We started off doing rituals on the Sabbats and having tarot nights, both of which went pretty well. We were gaining a lot of knowledge, and we were doing it fast. It was late in our Summer vacations by then, and we all pretty much knew what we wanted out of the group.

First off, we knew we didn’t want anyone claiming leadership in the group. We were teenagers, and finally finding freedom through spirituality, we were not looking to be contained.

Secondly, and finally, we didn’t want any negativity. We were all going through things at the time, and I think, consciously or unconsciously, we wanted the circle to be an escape from all of that.

For a while, we were seemingly succeeding. We had a few AMAZING, really empowering rituals. For a while, it was amazing. Fast forward about a year and a half.

I can’t remember exactly when it started getting off track. It started with minor conflicts, and issues between members (myself included). I was a freshman, and my fellow circle members were seniors. It was near the end of the academic year, and they were preparing to leave for college. At that point, as well as I can remember, we were all pretty much burnt out.

Rachel was getting sick and tired of planning everything. In the beginning, we didn’t want leadership. But as everyone grew busy, it seemed we pinned all of the responsibility on her. She was writing everything, and when she begged everyone else for input, we seemed to get too distracted to give her any.

Around that time, my own spirituality was crumbling. It was probably one of the lowest points of my life, and I was ceasing to provide any real effort in the circle. The rest of the members seemed particularly interested in other things, and the circle was nearly done.

We had one last sabbat ritual to partake in before most of the members left. Midsummer, the summer solstice, where it is said that if you stay up on Midsummer’s Eve all night until dawn on Midsummer, you might get visited by the Fey. We planned an all night spiritual workshop, where we would work on a variety of topics until the Solstice Sun touched our town. On paper, our Midsummer celebration sounded like perfect. We were also excited to welcome our new member, Shelby, who was going to take part in the Midsummer festivities.

Midsummer came, and it was nothing short of a disaster. All of our plans seemed rushed. Half of the circle was bitchy, probably from sleep deprivation and confusion. Our plans came crashing down, and only three of us were actually up when the sun rose.

We were all pretty upset. We had planned a whole celebration, and things weren’t going right, again. We were pretty much done. We probably would’ve ended the circle right then and there, but we didn’t want Shelby to miss out on anything. So, Rachel, Shelby and I walked to her back yard with a few tools and held a faerie ritual.

You know how sometimes, when the mood and ambiance are absolutely perfect, and you seem intune with  everything? That’s how the ritual was. We invoked the Fey, danced, made music, burned incense, and let the Solstice Sun bathe us in positive energy and wash away the negative thoughts we were feeling. It was probably the best ritual I’ve ever done.

Silly us. We seemed to think that because of our new member that maybe everything was going to start working out. The ritual filled us with hope of a brighter circle future. We were forgetting that only half the circle was present, and that the ritual was an escape, not a solution, to the problems we were having.

For the rest of the actual year, we still had hope. Half of the circle was in college so there was no time for conflict. And, we had yet another new member, Aleks, join us.  We were happy, as we thought we finally had everything circle related under control.

But, as the college year ended and our college students returned home, we realized just how wrong we were. It took a few weeks for the usual conflicts to arise, and we were back to feeling uncomfortable with each other. We celebrated Beltaine, and it was just a big mess. We were rushing, not feeling. For some reason, we were still determined to hold on to the Circle of Towering Trees.

All of a sudden, the gossip, slander, negativity, and conflicting energy became worse than ever before. From Beltaine all the way until recently, there were major arguments and confusion. Nobody knew what to do about anything anymore.

I found myself in constant conflict with a member. Circle drama was just becoming too much, and I wanted it all too stop.

And now, we are here. Rachel and I  have decided to remove ourselves from the Circle. Not out of spite. Not with the intent to be malicious. I just wanted out. I’m finding now that my friendships with the remainder of the circle are better. I’m no longer worried about any group rituals failing, or having to deal with stress of trying to make something work that just wasn’t. I’m happy now, and surprisingly stronger in my spirituality. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Circle of Towering Trees. I love them SO much. I’ve shared more moments with those people than anybody else in my entire life, and I have no regrets. We are all better friends now, and even going on a camping trip starting Wednesday! I’ve released myself from the negativity, and I’m just running on positive mojo. I’m ecstatic, more in tune with everything, and free. I am finally free.

You are all amazing people. And, I wish nothing best for the Circle, my readers, and anyone else involved in my life. I’m really grateful for how things are going right now. I encourage anybody else who feels currently attached to a negative situation, to let go. Don’t let a negative situation bring you down any further. Rise up to the occasion, and fight negativity with positive energy.

I love you all. Thank you for reading. Merry Meet, Merry Part,

and merry meet again.

Categories: My Blog | 4 Comments

Healing Flames/Goodbye Sophomore Year

It’s over. My tenth grade year is finally, over. 

Yesterday at ten thirty in the morning, a bell signaled everyone in my high school to leave. Following the bell, was probably the biggest sigh of relief that has ever escaped my lips.

This year was hell. To say that I haven’t learned sooo much this year would be a lie. I have learned a lot. But, as always when going through transitions from negative to positive, it was an extremely hard process. It was a year that demanded more physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual effort than I was ready to give. Between arguments with former friends, trying to maintain decent grades, and spiritual confusion, the year was tiring.

But enough about that. It is over. And today, the first day of my summer vacation, I ventured to my bonfire pit to mark an official end.

As you probably know, students are handed out A LOT of papers throughout the year. If we’re not constantly ripping pages from a notebook, we’re handed out worksheets or printing out pages from the internet. We spend many stressful hours working on these assignments, many times not completing them out of confusion. I feel like papers from your school year start get charged with lots of negative energy. This year, being the hardest in my opinion, probably left the worst psychic imprint on them. As of today, I wanted them gone.

Now usually, I would recycle the papers. I’m an earth friendly, proudly Pagan kind of person. But this year was different. I needed closure. I needed a physical symbol of my tenth grade year being, done. I decided to burn them.

I walked out to my bonfire pit, papers, folders, lighter, and incense in hand. I took a couple papers from the stack to light and start the fire. As some of the wood caught, I started to pile more and more assignments on. 

About half way through, I called on my patron Goddess, Brighid. I figured, since she was the Goddess of Fire and Healing, that it would be perfect. And, it was. As I invoked Her, the fire instantly rose and fully caught. I dropped the rest of the papers into the flames, and watched all of the stress of Sophomore year turn to ash.

Near the end, I could feel a definite release of negative energy. I felt a freedom that I had been yearning to feel all year. It was amazing, and extremely magickal. I had brought with me an incense called Peace of Mind, which has an amazing calming, floral scent. I lit it with the bonfire, and stuck it into the ground. The aroma of the incense mixing with the paper and wood was just what I needed, and marked the metaphorical end.

After that, I started walking back into my house. I left all of that negative, stressful school energy with the flames. It was one of the most magickal feelings I have ever felt. 

Goodbye Tenth Grade! 😀Image

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Update June 2nd, 2013

Wow, how time flies. It’s crazy, to think that I have had this blog for SOOO long, and I rarely post on it. I apologize for that. Sophmore year is coming to an end, and still, not many posts at all. I suppose I offer you an explanation, but, in doing that, I hope you’re prepared to listen to an extremely long and drawn out line of excuses. Some valid. Some not. I digress.

 

Let us take a journey back to Summer 2011. The summer was great, and probably the most spiritual one I have ever had. It was a period of preparing for the great transition of Middle School to High School. I was nervous, as I had the intent to drop most of the crazies(old friends) from my life, and start a new one for myself in freshman year.

 

First day of school arrived, and I found myself sitting again, with the crazies. Of course, the scholarly year was looking better than any other. My pagan friends, who were seniors, were there for me to find comfort in. I also started the year liking all of my teachers. My spirituality was still very strong, and the Gods were with me.

Fast forward to about November. Things were odd. I had managed to leave “the crazies”. So that was a plus. But, I soon realized that I didn’t have many friends to turn too. My drawback plan from the beginning was to hang out with my older pagan friends. When coming into highschool, I didn’t understand just how divided the school was by grades. I rarely saw them in school, and Rachel (one of my closest, most spiritual friends) no longer rode my bus. I felt alone, and connecting to my spirituality was harder than ever.

Come December, I started noticing a group of people that intrigued me. They were rebels, wearing dark clothes and band merchandise, covered in heavy make-up, skinny jeans, and hair teased high accented with crazy colors. The broke society’s rules, and I found myself wanting to join them. And soon enough, that’s exactly what I did. It started out pretty innocent enough. Just a chubby blonde boy coloring his hair and squeezing into tight clothes to fit in. It soon became much more than that. It was like a new culture that completely changed me. I soon became really depressed, and obsessed with genres of angry music. My spirituality seemed completely gone by then. I had lost the Craft.

Fast forward again, to the summer of 2012. I was just starting to come out of my Emo phase, and life seemed better. My spiritual thoughts still subsided, refusing to come out. I was stuck in a rut. But, I continued to help plan our group Midsummer rite. On paper, it seemed amazing. When the actual event came, I started to see how it was going to play out. About Half of the circle seemed preoccupied with being negative, and talking about how many parties they were going to encounter that summer. The other half of the circle, actually wanted to complete the spiritual goals we had made for ourselves. This caused a clash, and caused the ritual to fall apart. At that point, it wouldn’t be untrue to say that I was nearly done with the circle. I thought that my friends were leaving, and that I would rarely see them. The circle seemed to be over. Later, after they left, I found out that they weren’t going to be gone ALL of the time, and would be back for the major sabbats. I was scared, and was questioning my place in the circle, along with my own personal beliefs.

Let us fast forward, again, to Yule 2012. Yule was the one ritual that I had yet to celebrate with the circle. I had been told that it was the one sabbat where EVERYONE usually seemed pleased with the ritual, and it was always rewarding. I promised Rachel that I would give to circle another try, and celebrate Yule. The ritual WAS amazing (except for some space issues, but we were all really positive about it, so it wasn’t that big of an issue). I felt at peace, and it seemed like we were finally getting our shit together. We developed some major plans for the upcoming year, and changed a ton of negative things about our circle.

A few months later, and most recently, Beltaine. I spent most of my sophomore year still deciding what I wanted out of the Craft, and more often than not, forgetting it. Our group hadn’t celebrated together since Yule, so Beltaine promised to be fun. Except for the fact that, one of the group members decided to take writing the ritual into her own hands, and kind of refused to share it with anyone. So, up until a week before, nobody really knew what was going on. Finally, we found out. Beltaine came, and we set up for our ritual. And, in about twenty minutes, it was done. I’ve come to the conclusion that (except for Yule), our rituals had become a very rushed, non spiritual, no point, celebration. I wanted/want that to change. We discussed it, and it seemed to spark up a little of that negativity that we oh so wanted to leave in the past. 

Now, it is almost Summer break. The good thing is, as of late, I have been feeling extremely sure of my Craft. The circle members have been home for a while for their summer vacation, and I have been bonding (rather trying, with some) with them. Rachel and I have been working on a plan that we hope to put into place before Midsummer. We are setting out to Join the ADF Druid fellowship. I’m really excited, because all of the work seems really enlightening, and I think I will get a lot out of it. Coming up in about ten days, our circle is going CAMPING! 😀 We are centering the trip around group bonding, and discussing the negative feelings that sometimes arise when we work on things. Hopefully, the circle can become stronger, and serve as a tool to empower us on a personal level. I really hope so.

In other news, I have three more half days of exams, and I am out for the summer! I can’t believe that in three days I will have completed half of high school. I’m still uncertain about my future. Everything is still up in the air, and as the Wheel turns, many thoughts and struggles surface. I’m becoming better at dealing with these spiritual ruts I get myself in. I know that I am maturing, and (hopefully) I will continue to prosper. I’m excited for this summer. Of course, it’s going to be hard watching my dearest Rachel go off to England for a month! (LUCKY!!), and it’s going to be hard working through some of the shadows of my past. But I know I can do it.

Wish me luck, as I wish YOU all luck.

Love and Light,

Cayden Deaglan

Categories: Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

The Patchwork Crow

The musings of a twenty-something poet and witch

Little Green Footsteps

Musings on life as a mum, wife and druid

Labyrinth of Oak

A spiritual journey

Druid Phoenix

Blogging my path...

The Druid's Well

Falling in Love with the Whole World

Cauldron and Brew: A Witch's Blog

Practical Paganism and Sensible Spirituality from a Modern Witch

The Druid's Garden

Spiritual Journeys in Tending the Land, Permaculture, Wildcrafting, and Regenerative Living

Ozark Pagan Mamma

Folk Magic, Druidism, Heathenry, & Pagan Parenting

The Wytch of the North

Laurie Beth Dawe: Cunning woman, writer, artist, apothecary shop keeper, sci fi and horror geek

Drops of Awen

Daily Inspiration to Share

Acorn To Oak- A Hedge Witch's Journey

The Earth speaks to me in whispers in the wind, and in echoes of the waves.

Down the Forest Path

A Journey Through Nature, its Magic and Mystery

The Ditzy Druid

Grey Catsidhe's Den

Grey Wren's Flight

Path of a Solitary Druid - ADF

Parting the Mists

Finding Spirit in the Modern World

A Less Travelled Path

The Scribblings of a Wanderer

Fenland Wyldcraft

A solitary English Witch

Witchcraft and Me

Living as a Young Witch in the 21st Century