In my last post, I addressed the fact that I probably wouldn’t be posting much until after this school year was over, but due to quite a bit of reflection over the past few days I’ve felt the need to concise my thoughts within a blog post.
As I previously noted, this year has been an almost absolute spiritual drought. When you begin to lose yourself, its hard to venerate with a spirituality that’s heavily based on finding yourself. The belief has and always will be there, but the actual practice has been almost nonexistant and when not its been dry. I spent a good portion of discovering what I believe in with the near constant reassurance of a group of pagan friends. Since our group disbanded its been hard to work through a lot of my spiritual turmoil. Its not a good excuse at all, but, having the support of spiritual people makes working through problems a lot easier.
In almost every attempt at “picking back up where I left off” I’ve failed miserably. A few years ago I was at what I would consider the high peak of my practice. I was so sure of myself and my craft. It was lovely. Feeling like you have a pretty solid direction was always the best feeling, but for a while I haven’t really felt that. Over the past week I’ve come to terms with a lot. Basically, I realized that trying to continue from where I left off a while ago wasn’t the best option. I never had an extremely stable solitary practice, so trying to build up on a weak foundation would be meaningless.
In conclusion, I’ve decided to essentially “restart” my path. I need to go back, visit the roots of where I started to learn, and work through the rocky parts in order to define what it is I really practice. I’m determined to work through all of the issues I had/have even if it takes immense hardwork and reflection. I cannot live without my practice. The Craft has helped me through so much, and has ultimately brought me to a stronger connection with what it is that I believe. The connection itself has not faded all the way yet, but if I continued to live the way I was who knows what would have happened. I’m happy I’ve come to terms with a bit of it, or at least have developed plans on how too.
I’m ready to utilize my summer vacation away from school and negative people to revamp my path and rediscover myself and my spirituality. Just like so many others, I need this.
I plan to update you all on what I do, and will continue to use this to better organize my thoughts on everything that will be occurring in the upcoming months. I hope to consistently bring good news, and be completely honest when it isn’t so good.
Merry Meet, Merry Part,
and Merry Meet Again!